Big props to Amy for surviving this long in the heat as she dealt with it in Chicago, during her drive, and now again on the coast. Stay strong! Only a few more days until you get to bask in the glory of A/C and enjoy the rocky beaches of Long Island Sound. Gatsby was full of shit; the Long Island Sound is not a great body of water to live by and probably poses major health risks if exposed for prolonged periods of time. I now hesitate to think of him as 'great'.
Anyway, back to the point of this article. What? I haven't stated what the point is yet? Very astute, reader.
Bill's Top 5 Ways to Beat the Heat:
- Ice - Ice may be the most coveted substance on the East Coast right now so stockpile as much ice as you can find. Put it in your drinks, put it in your hands, rub it on your fat dog, barter with it, eat it raw, but whatever you do: DON'T LET IT MELT!
- Drink Water - When your ice melts (and it will), I recommend drinking it. The human body sweats out up to 42 gallons of fluid a day in this kind of heat so stay hydrated!
- Blender Drinks - Water is for babies and the elderly. Benjamin Button joke. Take your ice, rum, fruit, juice and today's secret ingredient and put them all in a blender. Hit the 'Liquify' button and watch your blender turn that terrible mixture of food into a delicious summer drink.
- Beach - I know I was ragging on Long Island Sound earlier, but that was mainly to fit in a Great Gatsby joke. The beach is a great place to spend the hottest days of summer because heat = bikinis.
- Stay indoors - Don't go to the beach, you idiot. It's hot, sandy, and the water is gross around here. What was that Gatsby guy talking about, am I right? Just kick back, crank the A/C, and watch episodes of Wilfred on OnDemand. Seriously, you all should watch that show. Dog humor at its best.
Well that's all the ambition I have for now. Stay cool, you guys!
Bill
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